Photo credit: 123rf.com
Edited by Aryeh Werth
Is it appropriate to click and follow personal social media accounts of the opposite sex? How about socializing with them using the platform’s direct messaging?
It would seem unwise to click and follow the personal social media account of anyone outside of your immediate family and circle of friends, whether of the same or opposite sex. It’s also a bad idea to chat with someone you don’t know personally.
Unfortunately, people are drawn into activities and conversations without realizing the long-term (or even short-term) implications. It is all too common to hear of people who have suffered financial or physical harm due to careless use of social media and chat platforms. People may think these things only happen to other people and they can handle things without getting in trouble. But why expose yourself to unnecessary risks? Why waste your precious time?
the Yetzer Hara is very powerful and relentless. It’s best not to give him an opening by engaging in problematic online behavior. Remember: you are responsible to the Almighty who is fully aware of your actions. You are not alone, even if you are alone in a room.
– Rabbi Marc D. Angel, director of the Institute for Jewish Ideas and Ideals
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I can think of fewer things that are guaranteed to make a person unhappy. If a man is married, doing something like this will focus his attention on other women, which won’t make him happy with his wife. A man is supposed to train his eye to find his wife attractive – and only his wife. Seeing other women in situations where everything seems wonderful will also make it difficult to appreciate your wife. No one shows their ups and downs on social media.
For a man to do so would be inappropriate and reckless. For a woman to do so, it would be the same. Why would she contact someone of the opposite sex, causing damage to herself and her husband? I see no benefit, only potential devastation to family and happiness.
The only argument one could make is that it’s necessary for business, in which case I highly recommend that you hire someone to manage your social media. For example, The Shmuz has social media accounts and you won’t catch me on those platforms. I am not an idiot. Why would a person submit to it?
— Rabbi Ben Zion Shafier, founder of The Shmuz and author of 10 Really Stupid Mistakes Very Smart Couples Make (available at theshmuz.com).
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What would be the goal? Would we follow them in the street or would we take a personal interest in what they do in their lives? While this would generally be considered inappropriate in real life, it is no less so on social media.
Whatever guiding principles apply in person, they also apply to social media. Thus, as “al tarbe sicha im haisha” (“don’t talk too much with women”) applies in person, therefore also on social networks.
Seems like social media needs even more protection because it’s basically base (in private) which presents greater risks and challenges and is much more likely to be “gorem ra’ah liatzmo…” (to harm one’s self).
– Rabbi Yitzchak Schochet, popular Lubavitch lecturer, Rabbi of London’s Mill Hill Synagogue
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In general, the use of social media for recreational/social purposes is frowned upon by rabbonim and talmidai chachamimand for good reason.
The Navi Hoshaia taught us a major Torah principle”hatznaya leches im Elokecha,(“walking in a tznius path with Hashem”) and the idea of sharing intimate parts of our lives with each other erodes our sense of tznius and keeps us from walking before Gd. One who is constantly preoccupied with what others think of him is not focused on what Hashem expects of him. This is apart from wasted time and diverted attention from worthy endeavors like Torah study and family life.
You have to resist the urge to want to “be with her” as attractive as she is, for your own good and for your family. The more he embarks on the path of intertwining his life with the Internet, the less he has peace of mind and yishuv hadaas he will maintain.
Following people of the opposite sex is another trap you can fall into in the world of social media. Our Saint Chazal warned us “al tarba sicha im ha’isha,” and certainly looking at images of their personal life is far from the way of Torah.
– Rabbi Yehoshua Heber is Rav of Khal Tomchai Torah at Yeshiva Torah Vodaath and Dayan at Bdatz Mishptai Yisrael.
